wandering

wandering floating though an abyss of random darkness & whats that
make plans in vane
set up for climaxes that never came
all for what
questioning decisions, apathy
misplaced dark and ikky
everythings annoying
I can remember meaning
before jaded resulting from expectations gone wrong
control freak. not controlling enough
I can't do this.
whats the point in all this I don't know?
it's not fun anymore
I can't see the future
the past is in a haze
one foot in the past, the other in the present
neither one strong enough
can't reach wanting to
what to rebuild from
no time to dig
in a dark place surrounded
claustrophilic or maybe just comfortably numb
can't keep this up
waste more time surviving
risks of striving haven't paid back, no rewards.
floating in thick darkwater
patches of what
why has become hollow
why evaporated out
no active pump against gradient
lost where
filling up a sieve, stupid.