Art is the interpretation, technology is the manipulation, and writing is the elaboration, of reality.
We are communicating to eachother through robots. Interconnected (fucking) robots. Skin is deprived of stimulation, with the exception of masturbation, but even that is up for interpretation.
Layers of life folded, intertwined, touching eachother, we don't see the differentiation, just the superficial sublimation of this manufactured reality.
Isolated yet never alone. Even when you are lonely and no one understands you, you are surrounded by stupid fucks just like you thinking the same thoughts you thought were origional. Why else do you like the same songs, shows and movies! Indivuality is a commodity, spoonfed when you want it to be, and made to make you feel like an addict for some made up shit. But you don't care. Just forget I ever said anything and go back to your pills, shitty job and shows you are brainwashed to think are funny. You'll be happier just ignoring me.
Thursday, December 15
Tuesday, December 13
the dichotomy of many and one
So when I'm at work I have to think about 50 million things all at once.
Are we running out of meatballs, is the bread ready to go in the oven, are we running out of ones, is the lobby dirty, are the cookies burning, do i need to make more tomatoes, is there enough clean cambros to do prep? oh shit someone just ordered 5 phillys and now we are out of steak! All the while Ive got to pay attention to what the customer wants on their sandwich, making two, three, four sandwiches at a time, trying to get them to tell me what they want on them in the right order so i can make them as fast as i can, maximizing my shortest term memory to remember what they said they wanted long enough to give me time to do that, just to have to try to forget what they said after they leave to make room in my brain for the next order. Its like juggling a bazillion things having the whole stores operation in my head all at once while running around trying not to slip on the wet floor trying not to spill anyone's order. Doing all this way past my natural bedtime, ending the day with cleaning the entire store, breaking a sweat, who needs the damn gym when you got this job. Then going home all revved up from the activity, and now I'm supposed to sleep? That doesn't end up happening till 3 hours later, where I'm sitting in front of my computer like a braindead zombie. Wasting 3 hours of my day, cant sleep, cant do homework, cant clean, too tired to do anything, too mentally hot to sleep.
Sleeping eventually, just to wake up the next day to go right to school, half dead, get some food, feeling a little better. Now I'm supposed to concentrate on ONE THING at a time. Try to think about this one thing, don't think about the bills, don't think about if you remembered to fill kittys food bowl, don't think about the dirty kitchen, don't think about checking the mail, especially don't think about WORK, don't think about what you're gonna watch when you get home, don't think about when you will have time to get groceries, do laundry, take out the trash, clean the litterbox, don't forget about homework either! STOP thinking about all that stuff at once! Quit juggling your life and concentrate on THIS ONE THING that the teacher is trying to teach with what little time he has available to do so JUST CONCENTRATE its not that difficult!
So I tell them I can't concentrate and they tell me I have ADHD and give me Ritalin. When it kicks in I'm feelin like a train on its tracks instead of a bowl of baby rats, oh look what I can accomplish in such a short timeframe! I can clean my house, start up my own online business, and conquer the world! I'm not tired anymore and only need 6 hours of sleep instead of the ten I was getting before when I tried to get out of bed after getting 8 and sleeping in for an extra two. Hey what the hell is going on with my face! my skin is thin and dry, why do i look like i aged ten years when it was only 3 months?! holy shit am i having a heart attack? why does it feel like the air that surrounds me is out to fucking get me?! This ain't fucking right man so I quit that Ritalin shit. and go back to starting point. so whats the fucking point? I think I need another job. -_-
Are we running out of meatballs, is the bread ready to go in the oven, are we running out of ones, is the lobby dirty, are the cookies burning, do i need to make more tomatoes, is there enough clean cambros to do prep? oh shit someone just ordered 5 phillys and now we are out of steak! All the while Ive got to pay attention to what the customer wants on their sandwich, making two, three, four sandwiches at a time, trying to get them to tell me what they want on them in the right order so i can make them as fast as i can, maximizing my shortest term memory to remember what they said they wanted long enough to give me time to do that, just to have to try to forget what they said after they leave to make room in my brain for the next order. Its like juggling a bazillion things having the whole stores operation in my head all at once while running around trying not to slip on the wet floor trying not to spill anyone's order. Doing all this way past my natural bedtime, ending the day with cleaning the entire store, breaking a sweat, who needs the damn gym when you got this job. Then going home all revved up from the activity, and now I'm supposed to sleep? That doesn't end up happening till 3 hours later, where I'm sitting in front of my computer like a braindead zombie. Wasting 3 hours of my day, cant sleep, cant do homework, cant clean, too tired to do anything, too mentally hot to sleep.
Sleeping eventually, just to wake up the next day to go right to school, half dead, get some food, feeling a little better. Now I'm supposed to concentrate on ONE THING at a time. Try to think about this one thing, don't think about the bills, don't think about if you remembered to fill kittys food bowl, don't think about the dirty kitchen, don't think about checking the mail, especially don't think about WORK, don't think about what you're gonna watch when you get home, don't think about when you will have time to get groceries, do laundry, take out the trash, clean the litterbox, don't forget about homework either! STOP thinking about all that stuff at once! Quit juggling your life and concentrate on THIS ONE THING that the teacher is trying to teach with what little time he has available to do so JUST CONCENTRATE its not that difficult!
So I tell them I can't concentrate and they tell me I have ADHD and give me Ritalin. When it kicks in I'm feelin like a train on its tracks instead of a bowl of baby rats, oh look what I can accomplish in such a short timeframe! I can clean my house, start up my own online business, and conquer the world! I'm not tired anymore and only need 6 hours of sleep instead of the ten I was getting before when I tried to get out of bed after getting 8 and sleeping in for an extra two. Hey what the hell is going on with my face! my skin is thin and dry, why do i look like i aged ten years when it was only 3 months?! holy shit am i having a heart attack? why does it feel like the air that surrounds me is out to fucking get me?! This ain't fucking right man so I quit that Ritalin shit. and go back to starting point. so whats the fucking point? I think I need another job. -_-
Sunday, December 11
slight awareness
please excuse me while
I be pissed off
at myself
for all the things
I didnt do
for all the things i did
instead of care about you
while I run away
and be the milquetoast again
I be pissed off
at myself
for all the things
I didnt do
for all the things i did
instead of care about you
while I run away
and be the milquetoast again
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